Warhead

July 20, 2004

WHO WOULD EXPECT that the terrorist leader and the man sent in to stop him were in the same class at commando school, and hence know each others strengths, weaknesses, and haircuts.

Out For Blood

July 12, 2004

Does the name "Don Wilson" not scare you? How about Don "The Dragon" Wilson, 3 time world kickboxing champion! Still nothing?

Last Bet (A.K.A Lesser Prophets)

July 5, 2004

This entry in the collective CV was actually made in 1997. By that point John Tuturro had already featured in Miller's Crossing and Barton Fink, Jimmy Smits was still working on NYPD Blue and George DiCenzo had provided his voice talents to She-Ra: Princess of Power.

L.A. Heat

June 30, 2004

Clint Eastwood was slightly to the right of atilla the hun, Mel Gibson had a deathwish, Bruce Willis was burnt out, and Michael Winslow made funny noises. Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs wants to be a fairly sucky cowboy who gets shot by an indian with furry boots, which is the worst kind of indian there is.

The House On Sorority Row

June 28, 2004

I'm not sure when slasher flicks featuring sorority girls became a clich?, but I'd believe that it was at the very moment writer/director Mark Rosman penned the first scene of this slice of 80's horror.

Portrait Of A Hitman

June 24, 2004

Being a 70s movie, they express their friendship in the form of high speed races in sports cards, but still, Palance can't go through with it.

Cyborg Cop

June 24, 2004

Cyborg Cop. Is a cyborg better than a robot, or "Robo"? Perhaps. Is Cyborg Cop better than Robocop 1, 2, 3 or that weird series with his magical inter-web pixie friend? No.

Street Gun

June 6, 2004

Street Gun is moulded after many a classic cinematic crime story. Or should that be mouldy?